Gout Blog

I'm so with you, John Sakkis.

I want to bring the blogs back. I initially started this blog as a way to get myself to write everyday, mainly so that I could learn to write to a daily audience. I really wanted to become a better writer and I thought that blogging would help. And, for a while, it did work. I wrote a lot everyday and I learned a lot. I also learned that I was truly in love with Bruce Springsteen. And that I was addicted to meth. And that I wanted to smell really fucking good. And that I really loved writing. And I think, through this blog, that I became slightly better at writing. Then I joined facebook. Oh, facebook, it was once so wonderful. If I had a month where I was really into early Bee Gees records, it was just much easier and efficient to post a few youtube videos of early Bee Gees songs than it was to write about how I was really into early Bee Gees records at that time. And I'd get a lot more comments on facebook than I would on the blog. Ok, maybe the same amount. But it was much easier.


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But for my own good, I need to be writing about these things that all of a sudden take my interest. But what do I write about now? I dunno. What if nothing is taking my interest? So I listened to 'The Joshua Tree' and looked at John's blog, one of the blogs that inspired this one, and it dawned on me: I'm going to write about the food/beverage that I've consummated in the last two weeks, which is:

43 pieces of fried chicken
7.25 pounds of ribs
3.5 pounds of shrimp
11.25 pounds of red meat
3 pounds of bacon
1 serving of orange juice
12 eggs over easy
A pear
9 ounces of water
225 ounces of coffee
37 pieces of nicotine chewing gum
217 American Spirit ultra lights
40 servings of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream
3.5 servings of greens
Two green beans
319 cans of Tecate

This recent look at my diet led to my (ir)rational fear of getting The Gout.

In case, you don't want to read through wikipedia's take on gout. Let me just show you this sentence:

About 12% of gout is attributed to dietary causes.[1] This includes a strong association with the consumption of alcohol, sugar, meat, and seafood

I'm kinda fucked, right? I thought so. I still kind of think so. The Gout is fucked up, it's like you have to try and get it. But I feel like if I continue with my current dietary lifestyle, then I'm totally going to fucking get it. I was explaining this fear of The Gout to my very-special-lady-friend, Lindsey. Lindsey cut me up a bunch of fruit and told me that my gout fears were kinda irrational. I told her about my recent diet. I told her that I'm afraid of getting The Gout because getting The Gout is so easy to avoid. She told me that I should be more worried about the 217 American Spirit ultra lights that I had smoked. And the 1,342 American Spirits I was planning to smoke. And then somehow we got to talking about my writing and how I don't do that much of it anymore. And she told me that I should write for McSweeney's. Cause the kind of writing that I used to write would be perfect for McSweeney's. I thought about it. I thought about this blog. And I think that she's right. I should be more prepared for writing an article in McSweeney's than prepared for dealing with The Gout. And I think that I have a new goal. To write. To eat leafy green vegetables. To not be ashamed for being in love with Bruce Springsteen. To not get The Gout and to write. And to spit in the face of these badlands.


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Thanks John! Thanks Lindsey!